Romantic Relationship Q&A

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Q&A stands for questions and answers. You ask questions, expecting answers. Same goes for the other side, with you being the one to answer.

Dedicated to all the trolls.

In an intimate relationship, trust is everything. I have recently found myself going through some breakup posts on Facebook, from guys who were deeply betrayed by their female partners. Obviously, both genders can betray the other, but for myself I find it easier to relate to the guys' experiences.

The horror stories are real! Long lasting relationships of years, ending in a quick betrayal; the girl leaving with another guy. Or the girl being caught with another guy. Or even the girl revealing that she is cheating; sometimes for a long period. The guys are devastated, being forced out of their illusion of a loving couple.

I have come to notice that people tend to expect others to be as they are, themselves. Doing so, they assume that if they feel attached and in-love, so is the other person. To add to the illusion, most are unwilling to explicitly and clearly establish the truth.

However, from my own experience and that of others as keen about the truth as I am, there is a method that prevents a false relationship from, at the least, catching. By asking questions, and insisting on detailed answers, we can avoid these illusions. The answers reveal if the other person is a good person, fitting for you. Vague answers or evasions will reveal the other person to be untrustworthy.

Even when emotions are strong, and you might feel love and loving, by insisting on revealing the truth about yourself and the other person, you will slowly make it impossible to continue - without either fixing the apparent problems, or breaking up entirely.

And it should be done from day one. No excuses. A relationship is trust, and trust requires honesty and truth. Therefor the truth is the relationship, and without it there is only a charade of emotions and needs.

Hopefully, instead of wasting months or years, getting tremendously hurt and hurting another, it will end quickly. In my own experience, within the first week there will be a tendency to want to cut away from the other person - if it's bad. Then, even if you go back together, it will not be more than a couple of weeks, until the truth simply does not let you persist.

What Is Love?

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Love is when you're good
To yourself
To a friend
To your girl or guy
To the stranger who's alive
Or the stranger that'll die

It's a gesture, a hint
A word or a smile
It's something that you give
And you give it for a while
Because you really want to
And not because you're told
Love is when you're good
Even when it's old

A kid thinks love
Is nothing but a sham
A sexy misdirection
To get out of a jam
But loving isn't one thing
Not sex, cash, nor a pic
Love is when you're doing
Not always knowing what it means

And if you've ever wondered
Am I really loving this?
Then you must be smarter
To know something's amiss
In life it ain't just one thing
It's a myriad of thing
Love is when you're good
And being good is everything.

Trust Is A Verb

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Trust is created through shared experiences. More than anything else, it is created through our most common activity - conversation.

By having conversations, by listening to each other, and then trying to understand each other's experiences and perspectives, we gain a feeling of trust from others, and they gain the same feeling of trust, from us.

Thank you, MemeForge.net users!

Everything we say relates to our emotions, whether negative or positive. By sharing how we feel, through describing our lives to others, we allow others to sympathise with us. If they accept this offer, and join the discussion, then mutual trust and cooperation can exist.

However, without trust, there is no cooperation. That is how we get conflict and misunderstandings. These lead to offenses, neglect, and aggression.

Next time you have a conversation with another person, especially with another person whom you care for, or find interest in them, remember to listen, attempt to understand them, join the discussion in an active and interested manner, and gain their trust! :-)

Click for more quotes from good ol' Ralph!

Let Us Take A Single Step Further

Or, as I have originally referred to this post in my head:
Why Do All Ideologies Not Work?

First, let us start by briefly defining what an ideology is, in practice.

An ideology is a set of logical rules, vis-à-vis "ideas," that we choose to live by. In other words, my ideology represents the perspective I have on life. More often than not, I would refer to my ideology, in order to decide my actions, rather than describe my ideology by reviewing my past choices.

We develop an ideology as a strategy to cope rapidly with challenges. Having a pre-made set of rules that we feel are safe to follow, lets us worry less and achieve more. This, of course, does not mean that we have more success in life - but, rather that we feel a sense of steady progress and stability. Important things to have!

So, why does having an ideology not work?

Funny drawings are great at giving us a break, while reading a long post.

Well, I do not want to drive anybody to extremes. Having an ideology, in the sense that I have an idea or a set of ideas, is not a bad thing. We all have ideas, after all. We only face a conflict, if our idea of life does not represent our own experience of life.

For example, if I find it important to have a romantic partner (spouse), and upon examination I see that I have no such person in my life, then I will reveal an internal conflict. Like in any conflict, I then have to choose to either pursue my goal or to give up on it.

If, on the one hand, I choose to pursue it, then I might do so without really asking myself, whether this goal is worthwhile. It just might be that at my current situation in life, having a spouse is not a good idea. Harmful, even.

Yoga works. It just does. Even though it looks silly.

On the other hand, if I let go of this idea, then I can feel I am missing out on something big. It would take soul searching for a resolution, and that may take more time than I am willing to spend. It is not easy to resolve internal conflicts, because they are internal, and thus not available for outward examination. People often recommend writing your thoughts down, exactly for this purpose.

Ideas are a great occupation. I love ideas! Most people do. Maybe some few silent hermits - not so much. Ideas let us review life inside our own minds. Ideas let us understand life better. Deeper. With more meaning.

Ideas, dangerously enough, are also infectious and addictive. We fall prey to ideas all the time. Holding onto an idea that does not work for us, is a sure recipe for hurt and failure. That is why, having a full set of ideas that are interconnected - an ideology, is many times more dangerous. We can find ourselves trapped in our own minds.

To conclude this idea, this individual idea that decided to stand up against all those groups of ideas out there, remember this:

If you have two ideas and they are in conflict, because life disagrees with your current perspective, then simply put them aside and find a new idea that works for you.

It is as simple as that. Take a step backwards and review everything, again.